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I’ve aforesaid it before: If you use Microsoft’s software, you oughta pay for it. I have no sympathy for pirates, especially in every era in which there’s a good-to-excellent free alternative to just about every major desktop application that hails from Redmond.

But just because I wish a pox on the houses of software thieves doesn’t mean I’m an ardent supporter of Microsoft’s anti-piracy efforts. Actually, they drive me bonkers. For one thing, the “Windows Genuine Advantage” technologies designed to foil pirates have a history of making honest customers jump through hoops–and at a past period screwing up innocent bystanders’ PCs. (At least Windows Vista SP1 removes WGA’s ability to almost completely disable a PC when it thinks it’s running fake Windows.)

But it’s not blameless Microsoft’s anti-piracy schemes that rankles me–it’s the way Microsoft markets them. Consider this new Q&A on the Microsoft place through the worldwide director of the Microsoft Genuine Software “Initiative.” It says–over and over again–that Microsoft’s anti-piracy efforts are all on the point protecting customers from unwittingly buying counterfeit software. For good measure, it throws in the argument that reducing software robbery on the high seas can create hundreds of thousands of new jobs and billions in economic growth. (Full disclosure: It makes this argument based on a study conducted for anti-software industry group the Business Software Alliance by IDC, a sister company of PC World.)

It all sounds like benevolent work in the persons interest. Pirated software is full of spyware! It’s hurting the global economy! Kind-hearted Microsoft is stepping in to serve us combat this menace!

I pervert with currency the notion that fake software can be a problem for the sake of the people who unwittingly buy them; I divisible by two bribe that Microsoft sincerely wants to take steps to help folks who have accidentally bought stolen (and potentially spyware-ridden) wares.

But not once in the Q&A does the company mention the notion that it wants to impede software sea robbery because counterfeiting costs it money.

Am I the only person in the world who’d be more likely to sympathize with Microsoft’s efforts if it honestly explained that it’s entitled to a profit from its wares than which time it insults my intelligence with propaganda that says it’s deed selflessly? Wouldn’t you rather do business with a copartnership that treats you like an intelligent adult?

The Microsoft Q&A repeatedly says it’s trying to help people who have been “duped” by software counterfeiters; by failing to be up-front end for end its anti-piracy efforts, it’s doing more duping of its own.

Mentioned towards the foot of the page is a new pilot program that will add hector notes to Office for customers in Chile, Italy, Spain, and Turkey. Okay, it doesn’t use the term “nag”–I got that from ZDNet’s needful Mary Jo Foley Microsoft’s explanation involves words like “help” and “alert.”

Gee, how thoughtful…